Thursday, July 1, 2010

How It All Began

Okay, so I realized the other day, this is actually my second near-death experience. The first wasn't as traumatic though. The first time was when I had stayed awake for several days and then attempted to drive home, but what ended up happening is that I fell asleep on the freeway at 65mph and woke up to a wall of stopped cars!--(Damned Arizona freeways!) With that one, I woke up just in time to slam on my breaks and avoid a "major" accident, but still managed to screech into the back of someone's bumper. Dang!

This new one is just as much my fault as the last one. It was caused by a lack of regard for safe situations and and underestimating of my own tolerance. It all began when my friend Travis turned 21 last Friday. It was a time to celebrate, of course. There was Everclear in the fridge from who knows when, and everyone seemed to be encouraging me to drink more, especially Thunder who was already getting pretty drunk on his ice tea. I didn't really seem to mind because I figured I'd be trashed by the end of the night anyway. I just had completely seem to forgot how unbelievably potent Everclear actually is. Instead of drinking it like someone ought to drink Everclear, I drank it like it was normal vodka, and after finishing the portable bottle I brought along for the walk and throwing it to the ground, everything went black.

Apparently, during the rest of that time, I suddenly, not gradually, began to stumble about and fall over, followed by chasing some polar bears in need of saving, drooling on people, passing out, and falling into things really hard. Needless to say, after being pushed around, slapped around, thrown into a car like a rag doll, and even handled by few Turkish people that stopped to help, I woke up in the hospital beaten, battered and horribly confused.

I thought I was only ought since the night before. It was 9am, and so I figured I had slept it off, but apparently I had a blood/alcohol level of .34 (4x the legal limit), and was on the verge of death had they not brought me in. So they kept me out until that following Sunday, and then I had to stay a whole extra day, complete with mind numbing drugs, embarrassing bed service, and quite possibly the most traumatic experience of my life. No joke!--They actually gave me a medicine to prevent stomach ulcers specifically because of the trauma that is caused from hospital experiences.

Well, I learned to walk again, I've driven a few times since which hasn't been the same again, and I really was able to see the world more beautifully for at least a few days. But now, I suppose, everything seems kind of back to normal, and except for the fact that I'm still in a lot of pain in a few places and that I have felt extremely dizzy and tired for the past couple days, life seems pretty much the same. I've definitely learned my lesson about drinking hard liquors. I will probably never drink to get drunk again. And most importantly, this whole experience, as horrible and traumatic as it was, has definitely at least brought some excitement to my otherwise dull summer vacation. And that's important.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day 2: Waking Up For The First Time

Everything beautiful. Everything new. I walk through this place and recognize all of it, but everything, down to the water on my hands from my shower, is worth observing and is beautiful. Every man ought to feel some ounce of happiness when he observes the beauty of a flower. But even a flower, as naturally beautiful as it is and free to the world which wishes it, has a cost. The time to stop and admire the flower is never spent. There are much better things for a man to spend his time on, he thinks.

At this point, I feel as though I have lived for an eternity. In the literal sense, I have not. Physically speaking, I have only been alive for 21 years and some. Mentally speaking, I probably have the maturity of a child. However, in these last few days alone, I have experienced time in a manner in which I would swear that it wasn't moving at all. I would be constantly astonished at how little time had passed after I had made such an exorbitant effort to have patients, only to discover that time was not on my side.

And even now, and before even, time has always been horribly skewed for me. The phrase "time flies by" rarely has ever made sense to me because to my perception of things, time moves rather slowly in all situations.

Still woozy and sore from my ordeal, I have to have my arm in a weird place to sleep. I'm fairly certain the muscle tissue is damaged and will take a while to heal. Other than that, I am having weird dreams of color-coded go boards and playing go to save my life. Then finding myself in some crazy warehouse over and over again. It's like some kind of perverted torment where I try as hard as I can to get out, but run into yet another puzzle, except the latter is an empty room and I must create something from it.


Monday, June 28, 2010

Day 1: Recovering From My Coma

Like a child taking his first steps, I took my first steps again. Like a child discovering the world for the first time, I, too, was discovering the world again. Frightened like an infant, I couldn't comprehend the most basic of concepts like motion. Fixated on one point, I examined every aspect of everything until I understood it. So many things I didn't quite understand, and so many things people had to let me know. Some things I knew just by their nature, but much of it still remains a mystery.

At this moment, I am rather doped up on drugs and probably shouldn't be at a computer, but as I took my shower just now, I knew that I had to write these thoughts down somewhere. I will explain the circumstances surrounding this entry when I have a clearer mind.