Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Life Between Worlds

I often feel as though I'm living in a world somewhere between fantasy and reality. On the one hand, there is the world of dreams; a mystical place where everything is possible and there are no limitations as to what one person can do; where there is only happiness to pursue, and all ambitions lead to prosperity for all. On the other hand, there is the world of systems; where all aspects of life are governed by mundane processes, and where it is difficult to even continue to exist--where happiness is not a part of the question, but rather, part of the problem itself.

If I were to choose between these two worlds, instinctively I cling to fantasy; but in fear of losing my world of fantasy, as logic tells us it is bound by the limitations of reality, I harbor to the world of reality for guidance, creating somewhere between it, a world of constant confusion and frequent unhappiness, not beneficial to either world, or to the individual.

In recent years, my only loyalties have lied with the world of dreams. It was self-evident that this world is in all respects superior to the world of reality; however, as I began to accept more personal responsibility, this world seemed more in danger of complete collapse under the pressures of reality.

Now trapped between my desire to survive and my desire to be happy, I am often times conflicted as to where the balance lies. Unable to fully commit to the world of dreams because of the chains society has placed upon me, I must abandon freedom for intermittent servitude to the greater system of society at large, which as a collective group, has lost its desire for this world of dreams a long time ago. Yet, for the individual, nothing is more desirable.

As a man so entirely entranced by this world of dreams and so far from fully experiencing its glory, whose vision of happiness is so frequently eclipsed by the endless monotony of the real world, I would easily risk everything given the opportunity to fully rejoin myself with this world of dreams; yet, as the eclipse becomes more complete and the dreams become more distant, such opportunities become increasingly unclear; and left without the vision of a clear future, it is impossible, if not altogether too much burden, to try and find exactly where my lot is to be wagered in order to make such a daring attempt for freedom.

It is impossible for me, for instance, to understand how one of my acquaintances at work can routinely respond to me, "Same shit, another day," and having realized the fruitlessness of his continued day-to-day efforts, after having worked for the company for 3 years and having come to the point where his labors are all-together undesirable, if not for simply surviving, that he should become complacent in doing so, and having acknowledged his plight, continue to do nothing to better his situation. Caught in the world of reality, society at large, in this same manner, has abandoned the world of dreams upon taking up personal responsibility. Even the entrepreneurs are now giving in to the plight of society, giving up on the dreams that so inspired a younger more vibrant society.

And yet, given all of this, having acknowledged the state of society, and having acknowledged also my own personal plight, I am left without any clear understanding of my own dreams or how to get there.

--Koi

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