Saturday, October 22, 2011

I want to be a part of something bigger!

It's hard to imagine the future. I often sit in my empty apartment and wonder what I will be doing in five years. But no matter how hard I try, the question remains unanswered.

I spend a lot of my time either simply trying to stay alive, or working towards my future; but I've come to realize that I have no actual plan for the future.

That isn't saying that I don't have a goal in mind. My goal is to one day work towards a life that is better for all people, even if the difference is minuscule and completely unnoticed, for all people, for all of time. That is to say, that infinity time any (positive) constant is still infinity, and if I can manage to bring a better tomorrow for all people, I will have done enough.

Perhaps, even if I can bring a better tomorrow for even just the people of today, without making things worse for the people of tomorrow, I can die in peace, knowing that I have done well.

Yet, no matter how hard I try, and no matter how hard I think about it, I simply can't imagine what must be done to accomplish such an ambitious dream.

I feel like my path in life is to go through school and learn as much as I can. Then, and only then, can I possibly affect the world in such a way; but lately, I feel as though I am merely biding my time... or wasting it. What is really to be done about the world? What can one man do to accomplish so much? How can I, even with a library full of knowledge, help the world to be a better place?

And so, I feel as though education has become somewhat superfluous to my cause, as though I already possess all the necessary skills and knowledge that I need to make the world a better place, but am simply lacking the ambition to accomplish that which I truly desire--change!

But then, what change? What can I do by myself, or even with a team of people, that might help the world in such a way? Am I really prepared to take on such a mountainous goal when simply waking up in the morning and attending classes or even getting to work on time are so extremely difficult to accomplish? Am I truly prepared to dedicate myself to something greater than I am, and am I capable of doing so without the recognition of hard work and understanding which one can only gain through institutionalized learning?

"Oy vey!" I scream to the world as my unlimited potential goes to waste. "Oy vey!" I scream to myself as I watch the world change around me, without my contribution, and without the help I so eagerly wish to contribute. What is one man to do? How is one man meant to do so much, when he is so concerned with doing so little. How, when so desperately trapped as a man is, is he to do anything beyond the scope of his friends and his family; and how, I ask, is this, in itself, enough for one man to do?

I would sacrifice everything I have ever worked for if only I could accomplish my dreams. If only I could sacrifice myself knowing it would make the world a  better place. But NAY! Only by living and continuing this meaningless existence can I possibly bring meaning to life. Only be continuing to suffer can I bring about the necessary change that may help the world. And EVEN THEN, I am left to wonder if what I have done can even be understood as progress.

Then what? What am I to do? Am I to spend the rest of my days acquiring the tools I need to improve the world, only to realize all to late that there is no time to get anything done? Am I to watch the world suffer under its own self-destruction, as I idly bide my time for the opportunity I need to help others?

I just feel so conflicted. I am doing everything I can to help my small circle of the world, while spending most of my time thinking about how to help the whole world, and yet, the two ideas seem largely inconsistent. Am I really so selfish as to seek personal happiness before seeking worldly betterment? Or is there something I ought to be doing instead?

And so... I often feel as though my time has passed and my purpose is lost, and yet I keep on pounding on the walls of my cage, hoping for freedom, yet knowing it will never come.

The world's smallest violin is playing a melancholy song to honor my plight; and yet, all I can think of is how such a song might move the world in a better direction.

Oh sorrow! Oh pain!
Why does the world remain the same?
When people suffer, and people die,
Why is it always observed by the blind?

Is there no justice, or caring,
Or compassion for sharing?
Is there no heart and no soul
When the world is so blinded
And the poor are so poor?

Oh desperate! Oh Despair!
Is there no one who cares?
When the world is all gone,
Ad nothing is left.
Will the world seek revenge

For those whom were left
And for those whom are now dead?

I just feel that someone has to do something. And having realized this, I believe that someone is me. I feel that when a problem is identified, it is good in itself to complain, but with nobody there willing to lead, it's just another problem unanswered.

Those who have done well continue to do even better for themselves. With time, and money, and prosperity, they find much more devious ways to hurt the world. Very few among them are concerned with the betterment of society. So bountifully endowed, and yet, with all of their latent potential, they do NOTHING to help society. They do NOTHING to help the world. Nothing but small contributions. Nothing but marginal fixes to very serious problems. And even when contributions are made, there is nothing done to address the root causes of these problems.

Starving societies in Africa do not need FOOD! They need the means in which to provide food! They need infrastructural and working agriculture! They don't need shoes, they need significant development. They need education and industry. That is what the world runs on. Education and industry. Nothing else. Nothing else runs the world. Not good faith or charity, but EDUCATION and INDUSTRY!

And yet... and still... I feel powerless to do anything about it.

--Koi

Thursday, October 20, 2011

How is Working at Walmart Working Out For You?

Well folks,

Here I am again, with another update on stuff and stuff.

As of now, I've worked for Walmart for oh... almost 4 months. This is, of course, the second time I've worked for Walmart; the first time being in 2005 when I was a cart pusher and it sucked way way more. Like seriously, if you live in a hot state, don't ever become a cart pusher because it is just awful.

At any rate, I'm an unloader now, which means I do a ton of heavy lifting, and truth be told, I probably have the most physically demanding job in the entire store... That being said, I am loving what it is doing for my health and body and et cetera. Yea, it feels pretty good to drop a couple pant sizes just from doing your job and getting paid.

Anyhow, what I don't love about it is all the crap I have to deal with. I mean, sure, a job isn't supposed to be fun and amazing or they probably wouldn't have to pay people to do it, but it seriously feels like more and more each day that there are very few of us actually working and the rest are just lazy pieces of shit. That being said, it's not that bad. Why? Well, simply because there are so many people working in the store that even when you only have a handful of them carrying our the majority of the work, at least at the end of the day nobody gives a shit. And if they do, they give a shit in very small increments.

Maybe sometime later, I will upload
some of my own Walmart Fails!
This is both good and bad because on the one hand, very little personal recognition for achievements. When you do an excellent job, you pretty much have to wave it in front of the managers' faces to get their attention, but on the other hand, if you ever mess up, chances are nobody gives a shit.

That being said, dealing with people who like to throw temper tantrums, working with people who don't speak more than 5 words of English, and people who simply don't do their job and more or less just get in your way of doing yours all day can kind of be frustrating, especially when you don't have a supervisor, or even know when they are going to give you one, and refuse to raise you to that level but still expect you to baby sit people... it kinda gets frustrating. But at the end of the day, quite possibly one of the better/best jobs I've ever had... (Trust me, that's not saying a whole lot at ALL.)

Anyway, doing that and going to school is kind of rough. A lot of times, in favor of getting sleep before work, I'll miss classes, or seeing as how I don't get off until 1am or later on any given day makes those early morning classes seem very unappealing. How bad is it? Well, for the first time in my ENTIRE life, I am going to fail a class. Not once in my life, high school, middle school, grade school, or even community college, have I ever failed a class, but I am about to; and to tell you the truth, I'm worried I might be failing two.

So maybe Walmart isn't very good for my future, but right now, it at least pays the bills.

Plus, if I need more money but am not scheduled to have more hours, I simply stay later and make up the difference that way. But then again, Walmart gets SUPER angry when you have overtime, so 80 hours per two weeks is really the best I could do in a good pay period.

Over all, what I would say about working at Walmart, is that for you poor fools like me who are stuck being trapped in dead-end jobs with little to no hope of any future potential just to get by and pay the bills (at least until graduation), Walmart isn't half-bad, especially if you want to lose some weight.

On the other hand, if you are thinking of working and going to school and have the option not to, I would go for that. And parents... for those of you who are concerned that your child doesn't want to work and just wants a free-ride through college and yada yada yada, but you are totally within the means of providing a comfortable life for your child as they go through school without putting yourself in serious financial risk and are unwilling to provide a stress-free living situation for your child as they do their best to get through college so that someday when you're old and dying they can take care of your sorry ass.... shame on you. Shame.

College is already stressful enough. Give your kid a break. Seriously. Do you want them dropping grades and failing classes just so that they can learn some responsibility? What kind of fucking prodigy child were you? You were probably off raising all kinds of hell as a kid and now you want to deprive them of the best years of their life just to teach them a lesson about getting older? Dude, they have plenty of time to grow up. Let them focus on school and get good grades so that they can have a chance to have a better future for you and them. Seriously.

Alright. Done.

--Koi

Now some legal shit:
These opinions and any opinions expressed implicitly, explicitly, telekinetic, sexually, or what you might have thought was an opinion but actually wasn't are not the opinions of Walmart or its affiliates. Walmart probably doesn't have any real views, but if they did, they probably weren't these ones, and let me make it clear that I do not speak for Walmart in any way, nor do I actually intend to. Cause let's face it, Walmart is way richer than me. Why would they hire me to ramble on about how working at Walmart is sort of okay. I mean, I didn't really just sit there and say a bunch of horrible shit about them, but if I was a multinational corporation with millions or billions of dollars, I probably wouldn't want some punk-ass kid who makes less than 20k expressing opinions for me. And if you at any point thought that I was in any way representing the opinions of Walmart, you are probably a fucking idiot.